so explain again why im purple
no
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
