Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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