So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize