ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
