I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
