your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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