Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
whose parrot is this?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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