and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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