Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
