And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize