Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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