Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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