I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everyone says I win the strip club
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
