The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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