if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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