If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
