The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
