Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
