I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
