I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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