how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
