thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
