You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
