You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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