I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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