I showed him my bush... on skype.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
