im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My vagina just recognized that song.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
