I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
