I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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