But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
