You smell like stripper and shame
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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