Got a toothbrush?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
