i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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