Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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