I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
