Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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