I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i've created a new STD.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
