Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
