some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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