Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
