i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
