three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
