I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
