she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
