Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
