if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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