I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize