we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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