worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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