Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
