you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize