He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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