Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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