I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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