he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
