About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
