hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
