he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
