"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
