Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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