Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize