If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
