I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
