i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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