I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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