This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
