Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
