btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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