My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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