Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
