please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
