sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
