this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
