Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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