Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize