I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
