I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
