Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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