just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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