He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
