sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize