my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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